(56.) Please & Thank You

When me and my husband first started dating, I dreamt about our son. For the bulk of our relationship, I’ve dreamt maybe 4 dreams in total, of this little boy. Because of this, I always felt like our first child was going to be a boy.

When we lost our Angel, we were 1.5 weeks shy of being able to do blood work to determine the gender. So nothing was ever confirmed. And I never dreamt about our son again after our loss.

In my “mama’s” heart, I just knew that was our son. My husband on the other hand felt the opposite. So we both just referred to our Angel as a baby girl and Yazzie’s Sissy.

Well today, while Yazzie and I were at the post office, this older woman waiting in line behind us compliments Yazzie and asks how old she is. I politely reply and the lady goes “And your son, he’s such a sweetheart…. He opened the door for me....”

*swallows spit*

I answered her that I didn’t have anyone else here with me. She kind of just turned away a little embarrassed. We left the conversation at that.

Now, I examined the room and every individual in it. There was a young boy about 4/5 years old standing closer to the door. But he was much darker than me and Yazzie. My husband wasn’t with us, so it’s not like the lady could assume that boy belonged to me. And when I told her there was no one else with me, she didn’t even bother to acknowledge this kid that was actually standing 9-10 ft away from us to say that there was the boy whom she had mistaken for my son.

I instantly thought to myself, “this is our Angel…”

I had to swiftly fix my face and focus on why I was in the post office.

A surge of old and new feelings came over me. I felt that heartache all over again, and at the same time I felt whole and relieved.

And so proud that our son, even in spirit, is just as polite as his daddy…… holding doors for people.

I finished my transaction and we left.

Me, Yazzie, and our Baby Boy.