(55.) Postpartum

So before becoming a mother, I had to figure out how to understand my body and conceive.

Then throughout my pregnancies, I learned about the common occurrences of miscarriage, and that my body is utterly amazing.

And now this part…….

Again… I’m figuring it out on my own: this “phase” after having a baby. This period of hormonal imbalances… paired with life imbalances, loss of self identity, and sleep deprivation.

What IS sleep anymore?

I’ve noticed that in my own culture and even in most groups of minorities, no one identifies all the feels of this time as postpartum. Nor do they associate the two together.

Well I’m living it. I never denied having it mildly. But I also didn’t think I had it bad.

Today, I’m not so sure I agree with that.

I.Broke.Down.

It is my nature to be strong. To be “super woman”. Always figuring stuff out. Taking loads on my shoulders and carrying whoever needs a freakin ride on my back. And with trying to balance this new life of being a mom….. it’s been hard on me to maintain my roles as not only a wife, but a woman too.

I’m the type who will just find alternatives and try to solve everything. Make things easy for everyone else around me. Not realizing, that now, I have to slow down and take a step back from that “handling business” nature….. and just breathe.

Whoever doesn’t know, and to all who doesn’t believe….

Postpartum is real.

It is strong, it is hard….. it exists.

It’s not just thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. It’s all the feels of irritability, being overwhelmed, feeling alone, feeling doubtful, feeling like a failure, feeling like you are not enough. It’s the anger you feel when you just want to “be” but your baby doesn’t know that… all she knows is that mommy is her safe haven and she wants her cuddles and LOTS of attention. It’s lacking the desire to do the things that used to make your heart happy…. and after all those emotions, the guilt kicks in…. and now you have a whole ‘nother set of “feelings” to digest. And it’s so much to handle at once….

If you’re anything like me, you will just take it all, and deal with it alone. Cause in your brain, you think you’ve got a chokehold on this thing they call “womanhood“.

And really you’re just a lost puppy trying to find her way.

For any of you who know mothers…. whether they are new mamas, vet mamas, first time or fifth time….. check on them.

Often.

Even if you can’t physically do anything to help. Just acknowledge her and her efforts. Tell her she’s doing amazing. And remind her that she’s human. Or just give her a hug. Grab the baby/kids. Let her shower. Let her eat. Let her just exist with no expectations.

This mental illness is serious.

Be her tribe….. .